My Dream

I brushed my teeth, told my parents goodnight, did my devotional, and finally went to bed. Then... I had a beautiful dream.

I was in some sort of park. The weird part was that I could open my eyes enough to see, something that almost never happens in my dreams. I wandered around the park, feeling a bit lonely and watching young children play, when I saw her.

I've had a crush on her since the first semester of my freshman year, and I have recently graduated from high school. I know, it is sort of pathetic. Then on the orchestra trip to New York, we had shared a table at senior night and were now friendly acquaintances. But, she was here now. I went up to her, and we started talking.

Now we wandered around the park together. I don't know what we talked about, or what we did, simply that we were comfortable in each other's presence. When the currents of people in the park separated us, we looked until we found each other. When it was time to go, I gave her a ride to my house and we talked more.

Then, I woke up. I felt very peaceful, and for once I could remember my dream, not every detail, but generally what happened. I rolled over and went back to sleep, hoping to find my way back to that park.

I never did.

The next day I reflected on my dream. I realized that now that I have graduated, I would never see her again, except in my dreams and my yearbook. Now, I had mostly gotten over my crush on her, but not completely. See, I never told her that I liked her. This, coupled with the fact that I was not very good socially in my freshman and sophomore years, lead to her thinking I was, well, a little creepy. I now reflected on the missed opportunity to actually have a girl that meant more to me than just a friend. What particularly bothered me was that I did not have a crush on her for any obvious reason. She was not what most people would call hot, but yet I still found her beautiful. She had a short temper, and would not mind yelling at you if she felt that she needed to. And yet, I saw something in her that I could not describe even to myself. Now, I had missed the opportunity to see what lay beneath the surface, to see what might have been.

The more I thought, the more annoyed I became, until I was really angry with myself for not breaking out of my shell of shyness and telling her how I felt. I knew the reasons that I had not done this were valid, and this made me even angrier to the point of being furious with myself.

Then I stopped and realized that when I woke up I was perfectly content with everything, and now my over thinking has me furiously arguing with my past self about why I didn't do something that I can no longer change. And I thought, This is ridiculous! All my thinking didn't help then, and it sure isn't helping now. So I ran through the dream again, and let the peace wash over me again.